Missed out on tickets to the Olympics or keen to pretend the whole hullabaloo isn’t happening? We’ve got just the alternative/antidote: The Chap Olympiad, which invites ladies and gentlemen who uphold the etiquette of a bygone era to compete for a debonair crown. We first attended these sporting japes about five years ago, found them to be rather spiffing and are pleased to say we triumphed in the Gin and Tonic relay. We’ll be returning to defend our title, and signing up for myriad other games, including umbrella jousting, competitive swooning, throw the bowler on the hat stand, and butler baiting (each rewarded for ‘panache not prowess’) in an attempt to achieve dilettante dominance. Expect big bands and cabaret singers to be the soundtrack to the competition and getting tight to be the theme of the day. Chin chin!